Releasing a Grievance is not making you right and the other person wrong. It has nothing to do with the measure of the perceived Grievance. It has to do with YOU no longer carrying around baggage for an event in your past. For many of us, holding a Grievance is coupled with loss and Grief. The act of holding on, is degenerative to our physical and mental health.
With this knowledge we have a smidgen of work to do, so let’s get to it…..
#1 ~ Bring to mind a person against whom you currently hold a grievance—someone other than yourself. Hold the person and the grievance in your mind. Review the situation in which the grievance arose: how it got started, what happened, the aftermath, and anything else that comes to mind. Get in touch with everything associated with this grievance, as clearly as you can. Write it down if need be.
#2 ~ How does this situation resonate within you? Underneath whatever surface feelings of triumph or satisfied self-righteousness you may have. Does holding this grievance really serve your happiness today? See if you can get in touch with the pain this grievance is causing you. Mental pain is the consequence of holding this grievance, however much you may think holding it makes you right, or justified.
#3 ~ Now imagine this Grievance as a 10 pound rock you carry with you each and every day, never having a moments rest from the weight. This rock/Grievance is controlling you, not you controlling the Grievance. Yes, it WAS hurtful, yes it was cruel, embarrassing, unnecessary, excessive, inexcusable, you choose an adjective to describe it. The key word here is “WAS”, it’s in the past and you are living it in your present day. You are giving this person, event, action all your power. The energy required by your body to generate this Grievance causes depression, high blood pressure, insomnia, anxiety and a constant state of stress. Among other things.
#4 ~ Now here’s the tough part, your overall health is desperate for you to forgive this person/event. Forgive them for YOU, forgive them for your own physical health, for your future, for your happiness. As long as you refuse to forgive this person, you are carrying that rock with their name on it. It is weighing you down. Degenerating your life. Think about that. Your life, your health, your joy is trapped under a 10 pound rock and you are holding the rock in place. Do you really want another other person to maintain that amount of power over you? Haven’t you given them enough of your energy. Wouldn’t now be a good time to break free of the past?
“Forgiveness is not weak. It is not passive. It is not for the faint of heart”. Desmond Tutu
If you’re anything like me and require an in-depth explanation and a plan of action, I invite you to join the 30 Day Forgiveness Challenge with Demond Tutu and his daughter Mpho. Everyday you’ll receive a brief lesson to fill-in online. They provide guidelines, suggestions to assist you and encouragement. You work at your own pace and it’s not difficult, (expect the part where you have to forgive someone) Even if you sign up and don’t get around to participating until day 10, (like me) you’ll have the workbook in your inbox to absorb at your leisure.