Awakening Forgiveness inside is rarely an easy task. We mistakenly believe if we forgive someone for a perceived wrong, we are telling the person it was all right in the fist place. This type of Forgiveness is a function of the ego getting in the way of Forgiveness by placing conditions on the Forgiveness. Being unwilling or unable to forgive keeps us stuck on the treadmill of blame and resentment. We punish ourselves with these negative emotions and rarely is the other person impacted by our lack of forgiveness.
Holding on to anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.. Buddha
There is magic in Forgiveness. It opens the soul to possibility.
The Top 10 Misconceptions about Forgiveness ~ by Azim Khamisa
1. Withholding forgiveness hurts the other person.
The truth is: Withholding forgiveness hurts yourself.
2. Forgiveness is a passive endeavor.
The truth is: Forgiveness is a very active endeavor, where you can ultimately reach out in love and compassion to the other person.
3. Forgiveness lets people off the hook, so they aren’t accountable to their actions.
The truth is: Forgiveness and accountability are not the same topic. You can have both. Forgive another by offering empathy and unity; yet still uphold the process of accountability within the social structure.
4. Forgiving someone tells that person that whatever he or she did was acceptable with you.The truth is: Accepting their actions and accepting their true nature underneath it all are two very different things. You can make that clear.
5. Forgiveness is for the other person.The truth is: Forgiving another is an act we do for ourselves, to free ourselves from the pain or bitterness.
6. When you are forgiving, you are “pardoning” someone’s bad behavior.
The truth is: There is no “pardoning,” just a clearer perception on who that other person truly is, and what they can still provide to your life, to a community and to a society.
7. Forgiveness is done by saying the words “I forgive you.”
The truth is: Forgiveness resides not only in words but also in thought, feeling and action.
8. Forgiving another person doesn’t do any good really.
The truth is: It not only uplifts you AND that person in ways unseen, but it brings that much more light to a world in need.
9. Forgiveness is only for religious people.
The truth is: It’s for all of us walking the planet.
10. It’s too hard to forgive. The truth is: It can be hard, but not too hard, not when you have the right support and perspective.
Take time today to think of one person in your life you would like/need to forgive. Go through the above listed 10 Misconceptions with him/her in mind and see if you are able to come to a resolution of how to take the first step in forgiving this person. Anger, hurt and an unwillingness to Forgive, are like holding onto the end of a rope, never allowing it to touch the ground. It takes energy to keep that rope in the air. The other person may not even be aware you are working so hard to keep your end of the rope suspended. Even if they have a firm grip on their end, imagine what it would be like if you simply dropped that rope of anger. This is an exercise to allow YOU a step closer to dropping your grip with an emotion that is not serving you. Even if you are not aware of it, the lack of Forgiveness is in control of you.
If you would like additional resource Cultivating Forgiveness, I’ve attached a link for a Workbook on Forgiveness by the author of the above: 10 Misconceptions About Forgiveness. Workbook: by Azim Khamisa. Azim is a father whose son was murdered and through this tragedy and his remarkable journey, he is now teaching workshops on Forgiveness. For additional information on his courses and his story go to www.azimkhamisa.com (Just so you know, I don’t have an association to his work or teaching, I simply like his honest way of teaching).
Have you had any experience with Forgiveness? Please share, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in needing guidance where Forgiveness is concerned.
With gratitude…. Shauna